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(Maybe their relationship with one of their parents or siblings isn’t great.) This is a nice way to leave it open-ended, and let your date chat about their family in terms that are as specific or as general as they want. It opens up room to hear about what they value without making your date feel like they’re bragging. And even if books aren’t your thing, you can bond over your thoughts on whether was better over a movie or a book. Maybe they love that they get to try new restaurants and meet new people, but hate that it takes so long to get to know someone.

Many of my patients have asked me when it is appropriate for them to find out crucial information about someone they are thinking of continuing to date.

Childhood memories are funny things: They reveal a lot about the way you think about the world, and the way you looked at it from a young age. As long as you’ve got a couple years to cushion you from it, it can be a time that’s rich with funny stories and little observations. What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately? Eating that super-hot chili on the “Dare You” menu at the local diner? If you’re going out together, it’s fair to assume that you and your date are both in the dating game. For me, it would be my photo albums and my childhood stuffed animal, but their question will tell you what they could not bear to lose. The goal of dates is to have a good time and figure out if you want to see more of this person.

It’s a great way to learn a little bit more about their background and spark a discussion about the way you both grew up. You want to know where someone came from, but it can be a delicate subject. The way that someone saw themselves in high school when they were can say a lot about who they are. Maybe it’s hitting a time goal on a run or learning how to make pesto or finally getting the hang of something at work. If reading is something you’re into, this is a good way of seeing what tastes you share and what interests your date. It’s a good way to take a peek into their ambitions and dreams. It’s a weird one, and it helps to commiserate over it. Hopefully some of these questions will help you on your way.

Losing yourself in a relationship or another person isn't something that happens overnight.

If you’re anything like me, the conversation will invariably turn to boring work stories and how much you’re addicted to guacamole. But now and then you need to have a conversation that goes a bit deeper—that lets you know each other's likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, hopes and dreams. To avoid pushing the limits beyond the point of no control, you need to set agreed-upon limits early on. More questions worth asking: Do both of you understand why God wants people to save sex for marriage? With "nothing to do," it's easy to fill up your time by becoming more physically involved than you should. That's why it's important to forgive each other. This question is extremely important and often difficult to answer, especially if a relationship has already become too physical.Their next obvious concern is the kinds of questions they should want answered.There are many things you could ask that would gain you the information you need, but there are ten potent and successful data gathering questions that successfully begin the process of really knowing who someone is.




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